Here are some actual maintenance
write-ups submitted by US Navy flight crews and the actual
replies from the maintenance crews.
This proves that flight maintenance crews have a healthy sense of
humor.
Reported problem: Left inside main tire almost
needs replacement.
Response: Almost replaced left inside main
tire.
Reported problem: Test flight OK, except autoland
very rough.
Response: Autoland not installed on this
aircraft.
Reported problem: The autopilot doesn't.
Response: It does now.
Reported problem: Something loose in the cockpit.
Response: Something tightened in the cockpit.
Reported problem: Evidence of hydraulic leak on right
main landing gear.
Response: Evidence removed.
Reported problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Response: Volume set to more believable level.
Reported problem: Dead insects on windshield.
Response: Live insects on order.
Reported problem: Autopilot in Altitude Hold mode produces a 200
fpm descent.
Response: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Reported problem: IFF inoperative.
Response: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Reported problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to
stick.
Response: That's what they're there for.
Reported problem: Number three engine missing.
Response: Engine found on right wing after brief search.