There once was a man with a bald head and a wooden leg who never went to parties because he was embarrassed of his appearance. One day he received an invitation to a Halloween party and wondered what sort of costume might hide his head and his leg.

Not wanting even to leave the house, he wrote to a fancy dress company to explain the situation and a few days later received a parcel with a note that read:
"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate."

The man thought this was a terrible idea to emphasize his wooden leg so he returned the costume with a letter of complaint. A week later he received another parcel and a note reading:
"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part."

Now he was really annoyed, they had gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head! He returned this costume with another nasty letter of complaint. A few days later he received a small parcel and a note which read:
"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a bottle of molasses.
Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a Candied Apple!"

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